what my body tells me
stories on serendipity, excitement, and impulsivity
when I think about rock climbing, swinging my hand onto the last grip of a path, my entire body tenses up with fizzy energy. my hands remember the pain of staying up there for minutes, bringing every bit of strength together to pull myself up. my forearm will start hurting just from the memory, remembering the many trials that pushed it to its limits. the feeling is invigorating. I want to chase more of this feeling - something I feel so deep in my muscles that it needs no thinking.
my body tells me a lot. after two days in hawaii, my skin radiated in gratitude and told me thank you. i should listen to it more :)
as humans, we think too much. when we cant solve a problem by thinking, our usual answer is to think more on it, until we finally figure it out. i overthink everything: should i take this internship? should i write this article? should i travel a week before my midterm? if i just did, instead of thinking about doing, I’d develop this innate, physical intuition on whether something is right or wrong.
this is the extreme on the spectrum - realistically, you can’t survive on impulses. it is highly beneficial to give consideration to actions before they are initiated, but there needs to be a balance. for example, i revisited one of my old, WIP github repositories, and in that moment felt so compelled to finish it. but, after a few minutes, i realized this app already existed in countless other permutations and wasn’t worth devoting the next week of energy into, also given that it was exercising a set of skills i wasn’t pressed to obtain.
usually, i decide to give more time and attention to things based on three factors:
how much will I learn from this?
what is the best case scenario (how probable is the worst case scenario)?
if I didn't do this now, would I ever get the chance to do it again?
As someone who optimizes for novel experiences, good or bad, most events will pass this filter on the first category (new learnings). Depending on your motivations, this will be different for you! the fine line between acting on instinct and mulling too much is an easy one to cross, but I’ve started to trust my gut over my consciousness.
for the next few days, i’m running an experiment on impulsivity. i will act on the stray thoughts that tug at the secure holding container of my rational thoughts. when my body feels heavy and weak, i will energize it and give it rest, rather than barreling through my to-do list. when my mind is excited to do one thing, i’ll ditch my priority list and do that instead.
this means
prioritize the things i keep putting off
wake up at odd hours of the morning
do a lot of small things, spurring momentum
as for the last bit, I learned working fast has a dual effect: you get more done and you convince your mind that doing one more thing isn’t so bad. for example, after taking almost a month to write a single post, I had convinced myself that writing was a slow process, and I should decrease the amount of posts I make while increasing its quality. the next time i had a writing idea, i was discouraged to start writing because i hadn’t finished the last one.
fast iteration cycles saves creativity. you don’t need to watch a course on drawing before starting a new sketchbook. you don’t need to do a literature review on every topic before writing about it.
i dont need to add every little thing to my to-do list and find a time to do it before allowing myself to give it life. i could just do it now.
part of this experiment will be optimizing for serendipity. the duality of college is being the closest you’ll ever be to so many like minded people, but being constrained by your internalized idea of how to act in social settings.
what does this look like?
going to writing club
changing up where i work
reading and writing in public
sitting on more trees
being unafraid to make plans
for one, instead of working in my dorm all day, i tried working in one of the CS buildings today. in my vigorous confidence, i found a girl(boss) in the CS170 office hours next to me, and worked up the confidence to say hi :) we’re co-working next week! it was the most wholesome encounter!
let’s think less and do more. i’ll chase the things that give my body invigorating energy until both my mind and body are tired